on being emotional about babies

It's no surprise that I have always wanted to be a mother. Baby fever is a strong beast and I suffered from it many times before I actually became pregnant. Ironically enough, though... the morning before I found out I was pregnant (I got a positive test around dinner time that day) I actually said something like this to a friend over lunch: "I wonder if I am infertile or somehow unable to have babies... because my feelings towards having children have definitely changed recently and I am beginning to find contentment in my life with the way things are today. Maybe that's God preparing me for something different?"

How funny... less than 8hrs later I was holding a positive pregnancy test result in my hand. God is so funny. :)

Since that day I have struggled to imagine what life will be like with a baby. Some thoughts that cross my mind are: I won't be able to just hop in the car and run to the grocery store as needed, or I won't be able to roll over and go back to sleep in the morning if I have a headache, or I will have to get up in the middle of the night over and over when I really want to just sleep.

I know... selfish thoughts. I'm human. And I'm keeping it real around here.

I have had a hard time remembering all those little things I used to dwell on during bouts of baby fever. Thoughts of cuddles, smells, and sweet moments LOVING my baby. I know that it comes... I know that a baby makes life so different - and so much better. But I'm not really processing it. I am trying to remember... trying to be excited... trying to stop worrying about how hard it will be in the beginning so that I can remember to cherish every little moment ("they are so fleeting"). But... it is challenging right now.

Some of the blogs I've come across lately have really been encouraging and inspiring. I can feel the love in each mama's words and I am so very excited to have that kind of love in my life as well. As someone once said "Children fill a hole in your heart that you didn't even know was there." I can't wait to experience that. Trying to imagine it is not working... I am eager to really feel it and live it out.

So just in case you are also in need of a few emotionally charge, love-filled reads about children:

• looking into the past, by angie
• making them happen, by emily
• co-napping, by shawna

october links | or how I spend my time on the internet

Ahhh Saturdays, how I love thee. Sometimes Saturdays are work days for me... but for those that are not, I am likely found enjoying season-appropriate activities. Last weekend I had a half a work day and chose to spend the morning hopping from yard sale to yard sale with a mug of hot tea in my hand. So lovely! This morning I have just a few hours of free time until I have to get on the road for a long work day. I have prepared a warm cup of earl grey tea and am cozying up on the couch to surf the internet, play with my puppies, and then take a warm bubble bath. You better believe I am going to savor every minute of this life before baby gets here and changes my entire routine. :)

So here's what I've been enjoying about the web this month...

We're 8 days into the annual 31 Days of Change...

• 31 days of Faith
• 31 days to a No-brainer Wardrobe
• 31 days of The Little Things
•  31 days of Eating Well
• and many, many more...

I've been reading up on the MMTR 50 Miler running stories because this is the race Tommy is currently training for. I cannot wait to get out and help crew his race for him on November 5th! The stories are super inspiring and help pump us up for the whole adventure.

I guess it's not too hard to figure out what's been happening to this photographer a lot lately. Funny.

I wish I could say all this in 30 seconds or less to anyone I am blessed to have salvation conversations with.

A fun spin on facts about modern cloth diapers.

This inspired me to toss my to-do lists on my days off.

october, you're my favorite!

I knew that having a summer pregnancy was publicly dreaded. And honestly, I thought having a summer pregnancy was considered miserable simply because of the heat. Pregnant women have a higher body temperature as it is (with all the extra blood running through their bodies), so the summer heat only adds to it, right? Yes. But... it's so much more than that.

The heat does so much more than just make you sweat. It makes you swell more. Swollen feet, ankles, and even your face. I would wake up in the morning and the only good thing I could see in the mirror was that my lips were super plump. Paired with a fat nose and another chin, though, plump lips don't do much for cuteness.

Yes, I'm that shallow.

Then there's the thirst. It could not be quenched. No matter how much water I would drink!

And... not to get too TMI here... but the body heat paired with the extra body weight. It just had this awesome way of making you feel disgusting. All the time.

OH! And let's not forget the sleepless nights. The temperature in our house couldn't stay cool enough for me to sleep through the night without waking up too hot 2-5 times a night. Even with a fan blowing right in my face.

Anyway... that's a really long way to introduce this week's gratituesday. Which is about how much I love October. Autumn... harvest... pumpkins... the golden glow of the sun accompanied by a sweet, cool breeze (instead of sweltering heat).

October... you are my favorite. Since you got here, I can walk without feeling the extra jiggle in my feet. I can sleep through the night waking only to use the bathroom. I can breathe when I walk up the stairs in my house. I can participate in outdoor activities without complaining.

I have always been a fan of the fall. I write about it annually... the campfires, football, and beautiful fall foliage in the mountains. But this year, I appreciate it even more. I wish it would stay as long as summer does... you know... 3-4 months instead of just barely 2.

This week I am grateful for the breath of fresh air that is October. What are you grateful for?

Join us for Gratituesday at heavenly homemakers!

FAQs About My Pregnancy

Yes, I have an unlimited supply of pregnancy photos taken at 24 weeks. ;) (Thanks to Samantha!)

I have been pretty intentional about not being a crazy pregnant lady on Facebook. I didn't really think 1,000 people were interested in how far along I was or what symptoms I've been having. But apparently some inquiring minds want to know a few things. :) So I thought I'd throw together a blog post answering the most common questions I am asked for those of you who are interested.

So here we go... FAQs About My Pregnancy:

How far along are you? 33 weeks and 3 days

When are you due? November 15th. But I like to say the whole month of November since that last month is totally up in the air.

Are you taking a maternity leave from photography? I am. I have one wedding scheduled shortly after the baby is due... but after that wedding I will be on official maternity leave through April 2012. When I return to work, I will be working only part time (exactly half of the jobs I worked this year).

What made you decide to not find out the sex of the baby? A lot of things... some of the big things were: I'm not a huge fan of pink or baby blue... so I wanted to avoid the influx of the colors as long as possible. ;) I also thought it would be wise to go with mostly gender-neutral items in the beginning so that we can use them for another baby in the future, regardless of the sex. There are some other private reasons that you can ask me through email if you feel so inclined!

Do you have mommy-intuition about the sex of the baby? I do not. I keep having dreams that it's a baby girl... and I keep imagining the name of the baby as a girl... but I keep also imagining dressing the baby in boy clothes and little boy hair cuts. So... I'm totally in the middle as far as what sex I think it may be. Our whole family is rooting for a boy so I do feel a little responsible for being ready to welcome a girl... since no one else seems to be. ;)

What are you craving? Ice cubes. Hah. (And before you mention it, I've had my iron checked and I am good to go.That and cereal, pasta, other high-carb sweets. The stuff that's good for me (not).

Do you have names picked out? We do have a few names picked out but we've decided that we want to meet this little person first before deciding on a final girl and boy name.

How are you feeling? Ahhh... I can't complain. Yes, it's uncomfortable... in ways I never thought possible. But I'm healthy and am having a healthy, normal pregnancy and the baby is healthy... so all in all, I am feeling good. I am also feeling swollen, and cranky, and pretty tired. And HOT. (I cannot cool off.) But... seriously. It's pregnancy... and this is what it all entails. And it's worth it. :)

Are you going to get an epidural or go all natural? At this point... I am planning to have a natural birth with the help and encouragement of my husband and our doula. I do not plan on having an epidural (or any medication) but I am open to whatever type of birth the Lord has in store for us... and you know, if that means a c-section, then that means an epi. :)

What made you decide to cloth diaper? First, the money we will save. Second, how stinkin cute the little diapers are! And third, because my husband is all about going against the norm. Tommy was surprisingly supportive of the idea and that was all I needed to make the final decision to just go for it! It'll be an adventure I am sure... and I'll be sure to report all my findings here on the blog.

I plan on writing about our birth experience and of course more about parenthood and the lessons we will be learning in the years to come. I'm kind of an open book (in case you haven't noticed)... so if you have any questions shoot me an email or leave a comment here and I'll respond!

gratituesday: the non-cranky version

photo credit

Emotions are running high... I'm irritable... cranky... exhausted... and physically uncomfortable.

What better reason to write a gratituesday post? :) I miss these things...

On this dreary, dark and rainy morning, I am so very grateful for my husband. All marriages have their ebbs and flows and I am thoroughly enjoying the high-life that we are living right now. I am more in love with him today than I ever have been.

On a more grounded note... Tommy is not the handiest of men. And that is totally fine by me. We make-do around here just fine. :)

But! Last week our AC unit sprung a leak and caused us to be without AC for a few days. A few rainy, humid days. (And for added dramatics: Let us not forget that I'm pregnant. And my body temperature is really high right now.) Instead of calling an electrician (I had already called the plumber and paid him $94 to tell me I needed to call the electrician) for help, Tommy spent Sunday evening googling, shopping for shop-vacs, sucking up water, towel drying the floor, and generally enjoying a fun game of trial and error. And he fixed our AC. He fixed it for the total cost of $48.

I am so stinkin proud of him. And so grateful... because it was probably going to be another few days before we got an electrician out here to fix it.

So this week... I am grateful for my hard-working, adorable and kind husband... and for AC. :)

What are you grateful for? Join us for Gratituesday at heavenly homemakers!